Running While Crying: On Life Transitions and Finding Peace on the Pavement
Marnie running in Dumbo, Brooklyn in winter time in New York City. Photo by Marques Jackson Photography.
By Marnie Kunz
Runstreet founder, certified trainer & run coach
Running while crying is nothing to warrant a second glance in NYC, but it can make it hard to see. When my sweet senior Akita, Kiyoshi, died, I had my share of crying miles, with bleary contacts and choked breaths as I trudged along snowy Brooklyn streets.
Traveling with my Akita in Vermont.
Grief on the Pavement
I had similarly pounded the pavement years before when my German Shepherd passed away, and I took off on a 10-mile run that afternoon. Through a particularly snowy winter, I felt the sadness in my bones as I layered up for a deep cold during long hikes and runs without Kiyoshi. She had always loved the snow, which made the winter without her especially bittersweet.
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High Miles and New Horizons
I’ve also had my share of excited, pumped-up runs where I was on the precipice of a new job, relationship, or move. Running through New York City, taking in bridge and hilltop views of the massive miles of steel and concrete laid out below me, has fueled my optimism, making life feel like a movie.
I remember my last day of college in Galesburg, Illinois, the sense of excitement and relief I felt to leave the small town I’d lived in for 3 years. After haphazardly packing my clothes and possessions in garbage bags in true college student style, I took off for a morning run. I wore an unusual outfit as most of my clothes were packed - a fitted thrift store t-shirt with a map of Minnesota that was new to me, and I felt elated at the prospect of new places ahead.
Angst, Rain, and European Streets
“Fitness is so often defined by numbers on a watch, race paces and names, and physical transformations. But the miles we log when life gets loud or falls apart can shape us the most. ”
Running also helped me navigate the stress of new places where I studied or lived, allowing me to pound out some new-city angst during my semester of research in Chicago and my studies abroad in Europe. I remember running up rainy, winding roads in Cork, Ireland, feeling alone yet peaceful plodding through the rain. I did not see many runners out in the rain in those days, which made me feel especially dedicated.
When I studied abroad in France, I remember feeling lost without close friends in a new country for the first time. My French Mom was so kind as to go for a few runs with me in a local park, and her stylish scarf and flat shoes made quite a statement as she trotted along in the most unusual running outfit I’d ever seen. At one point she lost her footing and her slim hands waved in the air as she slipped into the dirt. She insisted she was fine and got up to run again. I felt a rush of fondness for her effort and will always remember her willingness to try something out of her comfort zone to make me feel more at home.
Photo of Marnie by Marques Jackson Photography.
Solitude in Life’s Shifting Seasons
Other times I’ve run through life changes such as milestone birthdays and holidays. Running on Thanksgiving morning was always a way for me to shake off pre-family-gathering jitters and reclaim a sense of peace in solitude before the busy-ness of the holiday season. My 40th birthday was during the big COVID shutdown, and I took to the trails for some reflective miles in a year where I found being outside especially therapeutic for my mental health.
More recently, I’ve been navigating a career pivot and have enjoyed having more time to run and reflect on my life direction, letting slow miles unfold on my own time. Sometimes my mind wanders to the state of the world, and other times, smaller issues like whether to stop for sushi or a slice of pizza on the way home.
Full Circle with Runstreet
I’ve also run through transitions with Runstreet, as I built it from a training blog into a run group and Art Run events around the country, then after the pandemic pivoted to focus on building the blog and newsletter. At times I’ve run races as a coach and run group leader, while other times I’ve been an anonymous solo person or friend lining up for local trail races, fun runs, and solo virtual races for causes I believe in. I’ve run the NYC Marathon and half marathons in Mexico and France and 5Ks in my hometown, and each race has provided a chance to check in with myself.
Finding Your Solace
Fitness is so often defined by numbers on a watch, race paces and names, and physical transformations. But the miles we log when life gets loud or falls apart can shape us the most. Whether you’re training for a marathon or running for a healthier life, if you’re going through a transition period, don’t underestimate the power of pounding the pavement. Connection and solace may be just around the corner.
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Marnie Kunz is the founder of Runstreet, a writer, NASM-certified trainer, and USATF- RRCA-certified run coach based in Brooklyn, New York. When she’s not running she enjoys trying new restaurants, playing with pets, and reading.
